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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:21 PM
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:26 PM
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:28 PM
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:29 PM
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:33 PM
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:37 PM
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:39 PM
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:40 PM
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:45 PM
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:46 PM
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:53 PM
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:54 PM
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:54 PM
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 1:56 PM
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 2:02 PM
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 2:06 PM
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 2:08 PM
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 2:15 PM
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 2:15 PM
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
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@ Saturday, October 1st 2011, 2:17 PM
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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